Prefatory Letter to King Francis: Part V (The Institutes for Kids)

Testimony of the Church Fathers

We like the ancient Fathers of the church. We’re big fans. But they’re not the top-bosses of the church. And even if they were, like the churchboyz think, they’d be on our side.


The Fathers were good guys, but like everyone, they made mistakes. But our critics’ genius plan is to quote all the Fathers’ errors and toss aside all their good stuff! They spit out the meat and chew the bones.

Let me give you just a few examples:

The Fathers said that God isn’t impressed with gold and silver–churchboyz bling everything up.

The Fathers said don’t set up images of God or man–churchboyz cram every corner of their buildings with images.

The Fathers denied that the Lord’s Supper contained Christ’s physical body– churchboyz say every bit of him is in the bread.

The Fathers said marriage is for ministers–churchboyz demand singleness.

They pretend like they’re the good kids, but really they’re being stinkers. They play up their loyalty but it’s just an act. And it’s lame.

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